Welcome!

In a sea of Odyssey articles and student writing organizations, I've decided to to start this blog to share my stories on my own time for whomever finds it worth reading. Stay tuned for posts about my experiences in life thus far. I'm just an old soul in pearls that's seen her fair share. Let us see where this takes us.

Out of Excuses. Out of Tricks. Out of Control.

Since its premiere in 2009, Nurse Jackie has been telling it like it is. The show features Edie Falco, the queen of resting bitch face, and Peter Facinelli, or Dr. Carlisle Cullen if you’re into that, in a supporting role. My twi-hard phase was winding down and I figured could pay homage to it by supporting this new show, how I got my hands on ShowTime at 12 is irrelevant- don’t tell Ma. If you're anything like me, and you've seen the show then you know why I wanted Jackie (Edie Falco) to jump in front of a bus. This is one of the few addiction based shows that really accurately portray what it's like to love an addict. Growing up, my sister, nine years my senior, was addicted to narcotics. Cat's out and with over 27 writers over its seven year run, Nurse Jackie really shows its viewers how frustrating it can get. My sister’s addiction began in 2007 and ultimately led to her incarceration in March of last year. I'd be lying if I said that I understood what was happening all those years ago and I'd probably be lying if I said that I understood it now, but I do understand pain. My sister’s, my family’s, my own. At any point in this show, any given season, almost any episode, you'll find yourself saying "Jackie, how could you? I HATE YOU." but then you binge four more hour, regardless. Racing through your head is how obvious it should be to the people that love her that she’s using again and how painful it is that it will probably take them the whole season. When will they find out? How can they prove it? What will it take for her to see how badly she’s hurting the people around her? Jackie has a devilish skill for lying, framing, and stealing. To someone who doesn’t know how desperate addicts can get, they’d probably label it as unbelievable as she goes as far as using her children, sex, and any sort of leverage she could get to stay on the pills. Surprise, it’s not unbelievable. It’s actually all too familiar. I’ve seen my sister do some crazy things- things that in her right mind, she would be horrified. When you watch the show, your resentment for Jackie grows until you almost don’t want to finish the show but at the same time, you can’t look away- like a train wreck. You’ll find yourself believing she’s better only to then see her push a good man away, or her protégée Zoey (Merritt Weaver). Zoey, much like a younger sister, was relentless in Jackie’s recovery and was often left heartbroken. This is the unbelievable part of the show for me. I’m not the first person to give up on an addict and I certainly won’t be the last, but that’s exactly what I did. Being in high school, perhaps not having a good understanding of the stresses of the real world, gave up. I turned away and tried to wash my hands of the situation. Those who showed more courage than I did assured me that I would regret not being so persistent, as persistent as Zoey, and let me be the first to say: there is heartache either way. If I had to do it again, I would strive to be more like Zoey in her unwavering support. Also, if the show has taught me anything it’s that there’s no controlling, however, if I ever had to go through this again, a phone tree wouldn’t hurt, or like a huge group text between loved ones.

“Hey, did Jackie seem weird today?

            “Um, yeah, I didn’t want to say it first. We should make sure she’s okay.”

Simple enough. Unfortunately, you have to consider the addicts personal space. Because I am stubborn and suspicious, I would probably violate the hell out of some personal space if this happened again because things that happen in the dark will come to light regardless.

If you haven’t had the chance to watch Nurse Jackie, it’s available on Netflix and I highly recommend it. That being said, be prepared to be emotionally compromised. 

'"Let us go then, you and I, when the evening is spread out against the sky, like a patient etherized upon a table.' T.S. Eliot, tenth grade English. Sister Jane Deshuntel. What a champ. She's the one who told me that the people with the greatest capacity for good are the ones with the greatest capacity for evil. Smart fucking nun." - Jackie Peyton